room for the bloom

So, I've been busy. Busy teaching teens about abstinence (awesome love it!), busy keeping up with the kids, busy trying to keep up with the home, busy planning my son's birthday party,just plain busy. Let me take this a step further I've been so busy that this entry was penned in my brain about a month ago! You know the saying "take time to smell the roses"? Well, it's not an exaggeration when I tell you that I literally was missing out on the roses. A few weeks ago we had a family get together and my cousin's wife commented on how beautiful the roses looked. I wasn't sure what she was talking about until I went out to the backyard! Lo and behold there they were in full bloom with their vibrant colors popping out! Just a few weeks back they were a plain ole twiggy mess and here they were now looking amazing! It hit me that I almost missed the bloom because; I've been so busy. Tonight I looked at my almost 16 years old as he sat on the couch with long skinny limbs and messy hair. I look at him and see a twiggy mess but, I also see signs of maturity peering through.  I see his shoulders are broadening and his face resembles the face of a man. I also see how badly he needs me, although he would be the last to admit it. I stared at him until I made him nervous. He gave me the " what is wrong with you mom?" look and I just sighed. This minor wake up call causes me to be more determined and redeem what time I have left with him. To say I love you even when I know silence will be the response I get because it's just too weird to say " I love you too mom." I am realizing that my baby is no longer a baby, he is a young man and like the roses in my backyard, I don't want to all of a sudden wake up one day and see that before me stands a man where once stood a child. So, busy... you're gonna have to get out of the way because this momma is determined to make room for the bloom!

Mr. Chris and the wife

We're moving, nowhere far just a couple miles down the road, yet those couple of miles change a lot in our life. The house we've lived in was the first place we became a family. My husband and I shared our first years of marriage in this home. In this home, we came home from the hospital with a brand new baby boy in our arms. I remember my neighbors seeing my pregnancy progress and they gladly took a peek of our new bundle of boy. As the years went on, we got to know our next-door neighbors. Morning greetings were a norm and the occasional " can we borrow your ladder?" were common interfaces with them. As our bundle of boy grew so did his desire to explore not just our home, but also our next-door neighbors home. They would graciously allow us to walk our children through their Christmas decorations and would sometimes give us things they thought we could use. A couple of summers ago our neighbor Chris was painting the outside of his house. There he was painting and as always had an unlit cigar hanging from the side of his mouth. Samuel was fascinated and when Mr. Chris allowed him to "help,” Mr. Chris became Samuel's friend. As Samuel grew a little older, he would ask to go say hi to the neighbors. I would let him go, they would say hello, and he would run home. On one occasion, Samuel went to the door and asked Mr. Chris " where's the wife?” They keep an extra fridge in their garage stocked with cold water bottles and about once a week, Samuel asks if he can go get water from them. He claims their water just taste better than ours. For Christmas, we gave them a big pack of water. So, as I began packing I realized this relationship Samuel has cultivated with them is now coming to an end. I can't help but feel a little tinge of pain knowing that where we move will probably not afford us this same experience. After all, they've known Samuel his whole life! I pondered about how much of this friendship Samuel will retain and then it struck me. When I was a little girl, we had an older couple living next door to us. The husband was tall, wore glasses and smoked cigars, just like Mr. Chris. I remember going to their house by myself and just saying hi or playing with their dog. I remember feeling safe and loved by this couple. So, as I reflect on Samuel's experience I can't help but see how full circle life can be. To this day, I love Don Celso and Blanca, they became one of my best child hood memories and I'm so glad to know that Samuel will be able to look back and fondly remember Mr. Chris and "the Wife.”

Part 2: meeting my sons parents.

I knew early on in the adoption process that I wanted an "Open adoption". I couldn't imagine going through life not knowing what my son looked like or him not knowing me. What I was hoping for was the privilege of peeking through the windows every now and then to see how he was doing. I had no expectations of what that would look like, I would have been content with a photo or a letter. I remember going to a restaurant to meet with potential parents for my son. I vividly remember walking into the restaurant and seeing this smiling couple. The husband seemed very nice and his wife had such warm and caring eyes. Without even knowing them, I knew that who I was meeting was my son's parents. I can't explain even now how I knew,except to say that Providence had a complete role in it. I was very young and lacked so much wisdom yet I knew from the moment that I met them, they were the ones who would raise my baby. I left the restaurant sure ,yet wanting to see them again. We met again a couple more times and each time I left being reassured that yes they were the ones. We met at McDonald's while their first adopted child and my first born played in the play area. I knew I would be telling them what I think they already knew, that yes this baby I was carrying in my belly would be the child they'd carry in their arms. I told them both and we wept together. She held my hand and told me that they had already decided that they wanted to help me whether I was going to place the baby for adoption or not. My son's Mom and I really found a kinship that has grown over the years. I trusted them with my most precious son and now 13 years later they are trusting me with their precious son by allowing my family and I to stay with them for a week and visit. Talk about a "little peek" into his life. Never would I have imagined how far back the curtain would be pulled and how much our lives would become so sweetly intertwined.
Click here for part 3!

a little loose tooth, a big revelation

So....Samuel (my 6 year old) started growing a permanent tooth behind all of his teeth and I panicked a bit. I wore braces for 5 years when I was little because my teeth were so bad and worried that Samuel may also have problems with his teeth. WELL, this morning he kept saying one of his teeth was hurting and when I checked it we found it was loose! Yes, that means this baby tooth is getting ready to get out and his other tooth will be able to move in. I'm relieved and yet this was an example of what can happen at certain times of our lives. Sometimes there are parts of our lives that are growing and developing without the necessary space alloted for that growth. It almost seems impossible for a change to take place and then it happens, room for that growth. Just like Samuels' little tooth, some things have to go in order for the more permanent things to stay. Let's face it, at times it can feel like " pulling teeth" ( parampamching) and yet I believe the key here is to allow things to occur in their time, rather than rush them. The bible speaks so much of God's timing and today in this sweet little mouth I saw a perfect example of that.