is all really all?

This past weekend I attended a women's retreat. It had been at least 4 years since I attended a retreat(excluding my WWGG retreat,but that's a different story all together). I was in a cabin where I didn't know most of the women which can make you a little nervous but, by the end of the weekend I had truly felt like I got to know more of them than had I simply seen them every Sunday. Anyways, the theme of the retreat was ,seasons and how each season applies to a relationship with God. The first night the focus of the study was how He makes all things beautiful in it's time, I've heard that verse quite often and it was even the verse we had for our wedding !(yeah) But in previous times my focus on that verse was the word "beautiful" and was caught up in the romance of how God makes things beautiful and isn't this wonderful, blah blah blah. Not that those things are not true ,but again for our wedding that was the verse and even the song I walked down the aisle to. Yet here I found myself sitting at the retreat rehearing this verse and finding myself asking God "really?, really Lord can you make ALL things beautiful?"  The word "all" is well ALL of it! I have alot of "all" in my life that needs some serious beautifying. Is it possible really? I sat there and felt that pinch in my heart because I doubt that ALL of the ugly in my life can be made not just different, but beautiful still. I in my head "know" the answer is yes but, confess that in my heart the fear of hoping for it causes me to be wary! And yet, I know I need to trust Him for the "all" after all, He is the all in all!

My First Day

(wrote this almost two weeks ago but just now am posting!!)

My first day

I’m getting ready for my first day of work. I’ve got my clothes ready, I’ve got my directions, I’ve got everything set up as much as possible.

I’m in a new place, starting a new job entering a new season. With all these “new” things I hope to leave the old things behind and pray that they can truly be passed away. I’m a little nervous about all these changes but I keep my focus that these “new” things are for the purpose of something specific being made new. So, with this new season I have my own personal anthem,  I know I’ll be getting ready for work with this song playing to remind myself that this isn’t my final destination nor is it my final purpose, I have not “made it” by any means but, I am on my way.

There's a better version of me
That I can't quite see
But things are gonna change
Right now I'm a total mess and
Right now I'm completely incomplete
But things are gonna change
'Cause you're not through with me yet

Chorus:
This is a redemption's story
With every step that I'm taking
Every day, you're chipping away
What I don't need
This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I'm closer to who I'm meant to be
I'm a change in the making

Wish I could live more patiently
Wish I could give a little more of me
Without stopping to think twice
Wish I had faith like a little child
Wish I could walk a single mile
Without tripping on my own feet

Chorus:
This is a redemption's story
With every step that I'm taking
Every day, you're chipping away
What I don't need

From the wire to the ground

I have officially walked the high-wire and I am glad to say that I made it safely across! I am gently stepping onto the platform and a thought comes to mind I now need to take the steps to get back to solid ground. I prepare to take my first few steps down and freeze for a moment. Questions fill my mind about what is to come, what will be required of me, and more importantly what will happen when I get there? I try to look down to get a glimpse of whats next but, see only the step in front of me and nothing more. Perhaps that is best, as it puts in place natural blinders which keep me from looking to the right or the left. It keeps me from running as I don't know which direction to take except for that one step, and if I could see the end result I would surely try and find a shortcut to it rather than walk the course I need to walk. So here I go step by step and I remember it says "He directs my steps "and not "He shows me the whole picture and tells me everything!" (I wish it did) I'm thankful, very thankful in fact that I'm not alone and that He has brought me through thus far!

( you can read my first entry about this high-wire here)

Holding a sign while changing your life

Did you hear the one about the homeless guy who wrote out on cardboard and had his life changed? If you haven't heard about Ted Williams go here and then come back. Okay so I read the story about this gentleman who was homeless,jobless, and well lifeless. He, for whatever reason, had enough belief in the gift he was given to write it on a piece of cardboard and the rest I hope will be history. It got me thinking though I mean here this guy was past the "prime of his life", had made many wrong turns and was at what we would consider a major dead end. Yet, if he had not written those words on that sign, if he had completely given up on the idea of his worth we wouldn't be talking about him today. It encourages me not to give up on the understanding that God has a plan and that it's never too late to step into that plan. I definitely ponder at my life and see wrong turns taken and opportunities missed.  The more I think about it the more I relate to Ted Williams after all, keeping a blog is not much different than holding a sign. It's publicly putting yourself out there not sure which passerby will stop for a moment and read what you've written. Often times I don't know who is reading what I write, I technically have "4 followers" ( hi ladies) but for me it's the knowing that I am writing and sharing pieces of my life that makes writing and sharing worth while. So, here's to you Ted and the rest of us silent cardboard sign holders!

Take a moment to watch the cardboard testimony

a new year

Acts 1:7 " and he said to them, it is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father hath put in His own power."

We are literally hours away from saying farewell to the year 2010 and welcoming the New Year ( a.k.a. the unknown).  The disciples had three years of their lives completely turned upside down, they had left all to follow, had seen whom they followed brought to death, and now after experiencing all those things were at what we would consider " the happy ending" of their journey. Jesus was alive and they were all together. So, when Jesus tells them to wait for the promise they ask if the kingdom of Israel would now be restored. After all they endured and experienced their heart was for the reconciliation of the Nation they called home. This was a silent longing in their souls. Could we so quickly settle in for His response? Is there a deep desire in your own life or perhaps a restoration of your own for which you are hoping for? I have many and here the disciples were left with a very simple response " it is not for you to know the times or the seasons."When I first read that verse it didn't leave me comforted, until I reflected on the second half of that verse and here I found my comfort. "... which the Father hath put in His own power."  In other words, these are things which are in His hands, not ours. I don't know how you will welcome the New year, or where your thoughts will be when that magical moment occurs and both hands point to the 12. I know for me personally, I will probably have a mixture of emotions.In light of those feelings my prayer is simple, "Lord help us rest in the unknown that You know" and with that let us enter into the New Year!


Happy New Year from platanosandmangoes.com!

Reflections of the Christian Mind

Poet don’t weep
It’s not over yet
Lest the Lord’s mercy you too should forget
Humble His actions
Towards all of man kind
Though the anguish of torture
Enclosed in your mind
Rest in the restless
Thou heart how naïve
Mindlessly wandering
The thoughts we conceive
Bearing for the bearer
Who brings us good news?
When we’ve so much to gain
How much should we lose?
Folding, enclosing, drawing you in
Embraced now embraces
To start once again

dedicated to my friend Robin.

When a boo is a yay

So... I'm watching my Cards tonite ( Cardinals...yes I call them by their nickname... we're cool like that). They played beautifully tonite and it felt sweet because ,if you read a couple of blogs ago,I was able to attend a game yet that ONE TIME I was able to go watch the game live, the Cardinals stunk and Peyton Manning served it to them big. But oh with the Cards playing so tight tonite (24-17) nothing was sweeter than the jeering of Giants fans as Eli Manning got served so hard that even Peyton was hurting! Which got me thinking, the booing of the crowd was music to my ears because it meant that the Cards either made a touchdown...interception....or some other spectacular play. The booing, which most of the time carries a negative connotation actually meant something positive. As in our own lives, there are times when the "crowd" will boo at a decision that we make, or a belief that we hold to and rather than view it as a negative; it at times means that the booing simply opposes them specifically and not necessarily that our decision is wrong. I can look into my own life and see that the road less traveled has often times included naysayers and yet, to me it was effervescently clear that it was the Way.So, keep booing you road-usually traveled travelers, it's only a cheer to me ;)