is all really all?

This past weekend I attended a women's retreat. It had been at least 4 years since I attended a retreat(excluding my WWGG retreat,but that's a different story all together). I was in a cabin where I didn't know most of the women which can make you a little nervous but, by the end of the weekend I had truly felt like I got to know more of them than had I simply seen them every Sunday. Anyways, the theme of the retreat was ,seasons and how each season applies to a relationship with God. The first night the focus of the study was how He makes all things beautiful in it's time, I've heard that verse quite often and it was even the verse we had for our wedding !(yeah) But in previous times my focus on that verse was the word "beautiful" and was caught up in the romance of how God makes things beautiful and isn't this wonderful, blah blah blah. Not that those things are not true ,but again for our wedding that was the verse and even the song I walked down the aisle to. Yet here I found myself sitting at the retreat rehearing this verse and finding myself asking God "really?, really Lord can you make ALL things beautiful?"  The word "all" is well ALL of it! I have alot of "all" in my life that needs some serious beautifying. Is it possible really? I sat there and felt that pinch in my heart because I doubt that ALL of the ugly in my life can be made not just different, but beautiful still. I in my head "know" the answer is yes but, confess that in my heart the fear of hoping for it causes me to be wary! And yet, I know I need to trust Him for the "all" after all, He is the all in all!

It's a high wire act.

It's a high wire act folks and she doesn't have a net! Let's watch as she steps foot on this wire and did we mention she's afraid of heights ha ha ha ha!!


Yes that is me right at this moment. Only those who know that I'm walking on the high wire know to watch, most are hopeful for me that I will not fall. Others walk on without so much as a hint to this daring act taking place. That's me alright, up there doing something I fear to do, doing something that may render me down to the ground. Or I may make it across, look at the onlookers and smile as I see what I just made it through. But, for now I'm holding on to the balancing beam while feeling the pressure under my foot from the wire. Is it too late to climb down and forget this whole thing? OR even worse is it too late to try and walk across? I glance down ,see no net under me yet know that I must take this next step. Those watching however see the net is so big that they fear not for my life. I not seeing how far and wide the net spreads out to, misinterpret it for the floor. I close my eyes, grip the beam and walk.