Monday, September 22, 2014

comfort in an uncomfortable situation

 I moved to Texas a few months ago and through a series of events I had planned a trip to AZ for this coming week. Unbeknownst to me the Lord was "planning" Pa Chiscos' final trip home just a few days before my arrival. Pa Chisco is my oldest sons Grandfather. (you can read more here)Because of the fact that I will be in AZ I am able to attend his memorial service, which is very special to me. I have known the family since I was a teenager and along with my son we will join the family in honoring his memory. Funerals often stir up different emotions...sorrow for the loss, joy for the time you had and unfortunately  sometimes the unsettling feeling called regret. For me the regret comes in a second hand form. I regret that my son was not able to have the relationship he should have had with his Grandpa. Along with the comfort of attending the funeral there is the small issue that arises which can potentially create uncomfortable feelings as well. It presents itself to be a situation that requires some delicate caution. I called my son and we discussed the "situation".  He had already considered the possibility and decided to attend the memorial service regardless of who may or may not be there. His response to my probing on how he felt about seeing his biological father was pretty straightforward."Mom, he has ignored me my whole life I doubt it will make a difference if he continues doing what he's always done and ignores me there as well." His tone was not harsh or angry, it was clear and concise.  The fact that he does not harbor love for the person who chose not to be present in his life is be expected. But, the fact that he does not harbor ill will for them to me is amazing. He is not stricken with bitterness or anger towards them. I'm so proud of him for not being that way. I made a conscious effort not to fill him with my own personal feelings towards that person ( though trust me I have some strong opinions about them) I knew the truth was ugly in and of itself and felt no need to "sway" my sons heart concerning his biological father. It was always left for my son to decide how he felt about him. When it's all said and done the focus truly is to join the family in saying goodbye to Pa Chisco, I am saddened by the loss. So with peaceful minds we are preparing to attend the service and the way in which E-man is handling it all ,to me, is the best way he can honor the memory of his Grandfather.
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