Wednesday, January 26, 2011

From Birthmom to Birthfriend

Yesterday I wrote about Oprah's show where she introduced her half-sister (who was secretly placed for adoption). On the heels of that this morning I am realizing that yes I am a birth mom ,but am slowly becoming a birth friend to Evan.  If he composes a song or posts a poem I'm one of the first to click the "like" button on his fb page. It's funny because facebook has allowed us to be a part of each others lives in a way that we've never been before. I've always stayed in touch with his mom and she's been really good about sending me photos ,Christmas letters, etc.  Within the last two years we both joined facebook and have interacted with each other more than we ever did before. I do believe it's in part to the fact that he's getting older and thankfully he wants his birth family to be a part of his life. So, the transition begins and I hope the same happens with my other boys. As they grow older and mature the role of mom will lessen and the role of friend will increase.  You can read more about my adoption story here!( It's the beginning of my 3 part blogeries!)

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

oprah and samuel

I don't often watch the Oprah show BUT, this morning I began to google,YouTube,and yahoo my way through yesterdays episode. Many have heard that Oprah has a sister who was secretly placed for adoption. When I heard the word adoption my ears naturally perked up. At first I had the "say what!" reaction that most would have but then, I immediately felt an emotional tie to the story. I found the clip where Oprah met her sister for the first time on Thanksgiving Day. I got weepy because two years ago Samuel met his brother for the first time on my birthday and we all celebrated Thanksgiving together! Samuel has always known he had a brother and Evan had met Samuel when he was a baby. At the time though Evan was not very interested in any baby and Samuel was too little to remember. So, when we went to visit them it was really the first time they would hang out and get to know each other. Samuel doesn't fully understand why Evan lives where he lives or why he has a different family and he doesn't ask. He takes it at face value that he has a brother and he's content with that. Samuel loves Evan and even wants to learn how to play piano because Evan plays piano (actually he wants Evan to teach him!). I knew that placing Evan for adoption meant that he and Emmanuel would not grow up together. But, when I had Samuel I wasn't sure how their relationship would be. Emmanuel and Evan have had that opportunity to get to know each other and have been around each other but, here was a whole new person to get to know. Samuel and Evan have a big age difference but, whenever they have been around each other it's been really sweet to see them develop their own relationship in this unique situation. I can't help but love even those moments when Samuel was annoying Evan or that Andrew ( Evan's older brother) loved how Evan now had someone to annoy him.(Andrew called it payback time)  I finished watching all the clips I could find and got how Oprah felt about having her sister in her life now. It's a blessing and I feel that way about being a part of Evan's life. It's that" it could have turned out another way, but here it is this way" and I love it!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Self-inflicted wounds are still wounds

A few months ago I stopped blogging due to personal family issues. The last post I wrote was titled "until the smoke clears" and I didn't begin writing again until the smoke cleared enough for me to see the keyboard. It was during this time that we allowed my son to go stay with grandma. He has recently returned for a visit and all was going well until it wasn't. He decided to veer off the road a bit and we found ourselves sitting in the car this morning needing to talk about his off-road "excursion". Once we said all that needed to be said I wrapped my arms around him and just held him. I flashed back to the day he was born and remembered how little he was (he only weighed 6.4 lbs!). As I hugged him I realized that my little baby sure has grown yet, isn't it funny how little big can feel? He's a good kid, he really is but, I worry because I'm not sure which direction he will go.  I worry because I know the freedom to make choices goes hand in hand with feeling the repercussions of those choices. I hug him tightly knowing that how I handle this moment right here is defining our relationship in the future. I accept his apology, I hope for his future, and I pray for his well-being.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

So that's why they call it "hitting" the pavement

(Today I am starting a new thing, which is taking part in thingsicantsay's  (a.k.a #5) Wednesday's blogging exercise. )

Today I went to a Job Fair and though not as fun as a state fair, they both carried similar attributes. For example, there were plenty of booths there with people enticing you to come and see what they were offering. The job opportunities hung in the air like those ginormous teddy bears that can be won. Some of the "job descriptions" gave you a sense of ease. Like the ease you get when you buy a dozen red plastic rings for $1.00 with anticipation that you'll at least get 6 of those rings on the glass bottles. And just as you're about to toss one of those rings, bam! you overhear someone say " last year we had over 20,000 applicants and only hired 400". Just then at that moment you realize that it will be as easy to land a job as it is landing that red plastic ring around the coke bottle. (Let's hope I'm better at getting a job than I am at the latter) I left with my imaginary Rolodex full of possibilities and and my hope tank pointing more to the E. So, I pray and refocus. I go home and change my heels for my converse. Thank God His mercies are new every morning, I think I've used all mine up today!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Holding a sign while changing your life

Did you hear the one about the homeless guy who wrote out on cardboard and had his life changed? If you haven't heard about Ted Williams go here and then come back. Okay so I read the story about this gentleman who was homeless,jobless, and well lifeless. He, for whatever reason, had enough belief in the gift he was given to write it on a piece of cardboard and the rest I hope will be history. It got me thinking though I mean here this guy was past the "prime of his life", had made many wrong turns and was at what we would consider a major dead end. Yet, if he had not written those words on that sign, if he had completely given up on the idea of his worth we wouldn't be talking about him today. It encourages me not to give up on the understanding that God has a plan and that it's never too late to step into that plan. I definitely ponder at my life and see wrong turns taken and opportunities missed.  The more I think about it the more I relate to Ted Williams after all, keeping a blog is not much different than holding a sign. It's publicly putting yourself out there not sure which passerby will stop for a moment and read what you've written. Often times I don't know who is reading what I write, I technically have "4 followers" ( hi ladies) but for me it's the knowing that I am writing and sharing pieces of my life that makes writing and sharing worth while. So, here's to you Ted and the rest of us silent cardboard sign holders!

Take a moment to watch the cardboard testimony
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...