Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Self-inflicted wounds are still wounds


A few months ago I stopped blogging due to personal family issues. The last post I wrote was titled "until the smoke clears" and I didn't begin writing again until the smoke cleared enough for me to see the keyboard. It was during this time that we allowed my son to go stay with grandma. He has recently returned for a visit and all was going well until it wasn't. He decided to veer off the road a bit and we found ourselves sitting in the car this morning needing to talk about his off-road "excursion". Once we said all that needed to be said I wrapped my arms around him and just held him. I flashed back to the day he was born and remembered how little he was (he only weighed 6.4 lbs!). As I hugged him I realized that my little baby sure has grown yet, isn't it funny how little big can feel? He's a good kid, he really is but, I worry because I'm not sure which direction he will go.  I worry because I know the freedom to make choices goes hand in hand with feeling the repercussions of those choices. I hug him tightly knowing that how I handle this moment right here is defining our relationship in the future. I accept his apology, I hope for his future, and I pray for his well-being.

8 comments:

  1. I think all you can do sometimes is to pray.

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  2. "isn't is funny how little big can feel?" BRILLIANT!

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  3. @shell, yes it seems so small (because we're not physically moving) BUT i know it is no little thing! thank you!

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  4. Robin! I know you know how little big can feel!

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  5. Life with a teenager... I'm so hoping to delay the inevitable. But I like you're outlook of making today's choices and actions be guided by the relationship you hope to have with your son down the road. I keep that in the front of my mind as much as possible as well.

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  6. @jessica, thank you it is not an easy thing to do, but doing the opposite requires so much back-peddling!

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  7. I am sill watching my 19 year old and hoping she makes good choices. I have long since stopped trying to force her to see it my way, and have resigned to giving her my opinion then letting her make her own choice.
    it sucks.
    I see her making the same mistakes I made with money and boys, but I had to learn them and so will she. I try to keep her from the HUGE mistakes, but I know, even those are inevitable.
    I love being a mom, I really do ... but some things suck really bad.

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  8. @diane, it is a balancing act with the whole stepping in and stepping back. I love your honesty! i agree ...love being a mom BUT hate seeing some of the things they go through!

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